Setting Your Own Goals For Yourself
   

Most of us have goals and dreams that we fantasize about, but how many of us actually see them through? How many of us wish we could realize our potential and, to paraphrase the great historian and myth-chronicler Joseph Campbell, "follow our bliss"? We have real goals and dreams, yet we let them languish and slowly fade into the background noise of our busy lives. Yet it needn't be this way. We can set goals and achieve them, but we must be willing to be honest with others and ourselves.

Why do so many people fail to achieve their personal, emotional, or professional goals? Although we tend to blame ourselves, pointing to our lack of discipline, talent, or resources, the problem often lies in our very goals. Oftentimes, we set goals for ourselves that are not really our own. We may think that we're buying the house, applying to graduate school or getting married for ourselves, when really we're being swayed by the influence of our friends or family members. The influence of others is often imperceptible. We may not realize that so many of the decisions we make and goals we set are influenced by others. We rationalize all our goals, fooling ourselves into believing that we are acting from our own desires and talents.

What happens when we let others set our goals for us? Many times, we end up abandoning our goals mid-stream. We realize that we pursued the wrong goals, for the wrong reasons and decide to follow our own instincts. Even if we achieve our goals and demonstrate outward success, we may end up feeling vaguely unsatisfied, unhappy, or compromised. For many, the idea of following their own desires may seem far-fetched or simply impractical. While it may not always be easy to do, setting and accomplishing our own goals is the only way to achieve a life of personal satisfaction.

So how can you differentiate between your private goals and the expectations of others? Sometimes these two things collide in conflict, and you must be dogged about staying true to your true desires. First, you must be honest with yourself about what you really want. What are your goals and dreams? What are those persistent visions that follow you year after year? Those interests and pursuits that you fantasize about—that keep you up at night. These ideas that refuse to die are your dreams, and provide the basis for your goals. The reason so many people fail to set their own goals is because the risk involved is perceived as too large and looming. Complacency and following the expectations set by others is an easier thing to do. To set and pursue your own goals involves a good measure of courage, hard work, and honesty. Many people resist this route in order to follow the path of least resistance. They fear the hard work, the potential for failure, and the risk of humiliation.

Once you have pinpointed those aspirations that you have carried with you most of your life, you must face the difficult decision of whether you will pursue these goals or not. Many people are painfully aware of their true desires, but are too afraid to transform their dreams into real goals. They fear that they are being impractical, too caught up in the realm of fantasy. They do their best to ignore the impulse to pursue their honest desires. They figure that eventually these desires will fall to the wayside, pushed to the margins of their lives by the pressures and realities of everyday life. But what if these interests and desires never subside, what if they remain ever present, if only residing faintly in their imagination?

To bring your suppressed goals into clear focus, try this simple exercise. Dig out a notebook and pen. Give yourself a full five minutes to quickly put down everything you are interested in or passionate about. It's important that this be a timed exercise. The more time you give yourself to write things down, the greater the possibility that you will censure yourself. Write quickly, without judgment. Don't worry about what others will think, as this piece of paper is private and will never be seen by anyone other than you. Before you are able to set your goals, you must be honest with yourself. Let your true desires and goals come into the light. Get a good look at them and ask yourself, "Am I setting my own goals? Or am I simply following the expectations of others?"

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by SolveYourProblem.com : 2006

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