SolveYourProblem Article Series: Self Esteem, Self Worth & Shyness
I Desperately Want To Feel Better About Myself

3 Simple Tips To Improve Your Self Esteem

How can I improve my self esteem? It is a question that thousands of people ask. Low self esteem is a big problem in our society and affects many more people than you probably think. In fact, the first step to build self esteem often involves realizing that you are not the only one who feels this way.

Here are 3 simple tips to help you when you are asking yourself, how can I improve my self esteem.

1. Stop comparing yourself to other people.

We are all individuals with different qualities. We start out life with different genes. We don't have the same values, desires, ambitions or dreams as other people. So there is no point in comparing ourself against another person and judging our value on that basis.

Take for example a person who feels badly because he cannot afford to take his wife on an expensive vacation for her birthday, like her best friend's husband did. He's not even thinking about whether his wife actually wants to go on that kind of vacation. Maybe he and his wife have chosen to spend their money on creating a beautiful home instead. Or maybe the wife knows that her best friend's husband is unfaithful and it's guilt that's making him appear so generous. She values other qualities in her own husband.

If there is any comparison to be made, it is just a question of comparing yourself with yourself. For example, you may notice that you performed better on a test than the last time, or with a challenging task at work. If you do this, it is important to be gentle with yourself if you find that you did worse this time. Look at the reasons for that, and how you can do better next time.

2. Use empowering words when talking to yourself.

Try to avoid words like can't, should and must in your self talk. Talk to yourself as 'I' instead of 'you' and try to keep things positive. So for example, if you catch yourself saying to yourself, "You must improve your self esteem," immediately change it to, "I can improve my self esteem by following these tips."

3. Speak to others in an empowering way too.

People with low self esteem often have a hard time giving positive criticism to others. When people do something that we don't like, we tend to be afraid of the consequences of telling them. So we don't say anything right away. Instead we bottle up our feelings until they explode in an angry attack on the person.

You can use the same empowering words with others that you will use with yourself. For example, instead of saying to your kids, "Go clean your room now," try saying "You can clean your room now, honey." Make it sound like a fun thing they are sure to want to do! And instead of telling your spouse, "Don't let the dog jump on the bed," try saying, "You don't need to let the dog jump on the bed."

It sounds like such a little change, but it will make a huge difference in the way your comment is received. You can try it for yourself and find out. I found this was a great way to improve my self esteem and help me get along with others, and I think you will too.

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by SolveYourProblem.com : 2010

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