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eLearning Series: Self Confidence
How Do I Improve My Self Confidence?
Self
Confident People and Overachievers
The difference between outward and self-confidence
stands out the most when you're talking about overachievers.
To onlookers they seem sure they can do it all - and do it
well - but inside they constantly sweat about failure. Many
times they get involved in activities they don't enjoy to satisfy
the expectations of other people.
Self-confident
people work toward improvements that help them enjoy their
lives. That matches their actions with their intentions,
and see success as life improvements they enjoy. Working for
Work's sake - or your friends or parents and especially for
the strangers down the street - rob you of self-confidence.
Overachievers
judge themselves based on other people's opinions. When a teacher tells an overachieving teen they've done well
on a test, they feel confident in that subject. When a teacher
tells them they're disappointed in their work, they feel worthless
regardless of how much effort they put into it.
Switching someone's perspective from outward acknowledgment
to inner satisfaction isn't easy. Not even when that person
is you.
Ditching Your Baggage
The key to self-confidence is deciding which activities you
enjoy. What things do you like doing? Think hard about why.
Do you like working as a volunteer because of your interaction
with people, or because your name is printed in a bulletin
at the end of each month?
Ending commitments can be very hard work. Partially because
other people expect your participation even more now that you've
made a name for yourself. Routine has a lot to do with things
too. Overachievers typically like life to be predictable, even
if it means doing things they don't enjoy.
By doing this, you create a path to boredom and eventual self-sabotage.
You should take pride and enjoyment from everything you do.
Only then will you feel fulfilled and have the drive to improve
your life and believe in yourself.
Rediscovering Your Interests
Some overachievers live well into adulthood
without stopping to consider their own wants and needs. They
are so busy living
up to other people's expectations they have no time to "waste" on
themselves. Changing this attitude isn't selfishness. We all
have ways to help other people that we can enjoy at the same
time.
Expose yourself to the possibilities. Watch TV, read papers
and magazines, ask the local tourist board what events take
place in your area. Follow the sparks of interest that come
along the way. You may find a hobby you'll practice for a few
months, or for the rest of your life.
Overachievers need to ask themselves what makes another person's
interests more important than their own. Just because is not
an answer. As an adult, your hobbies, employment and religion
need to be focused on what's in your heart ... not someone
else's.
Facing the Resistance
For the last four years, Holly volunteered with her mom at
the local domestic assault center. After her parents moved
to Florida, she decided to give her attention to the art museum
instead. It wasn't long before her mom called from her new
home after talking with the shelter director.
"The shelter needs you."
How can Holly tell her mom that the museum needs people too?
Or that she connects better with the younger volunteers where
she's at than the older women who work at the shelter?
She has several ways of doing this. The first would be to
ignore her mom's opinion and focus only on how much she's enjoying
her choice. She can also turn the conversation around and ask
her mom where she's volunteering now in Florida.
Even if mom gets in her digs, Holly will feel guilty for five
minutes in comparison to feeling good at the museum for an
hour each week. She's also feeling more self-confident, because
she chose to make a move, to improve her life, and she succeeded.
You shouldn't have to wait for your parents to move away,
your boss to die, or your friend to get sick of you to move
on when things become an energy drain. Work to improve your
life every day, replace pride in yourself for the opinions
of other people, and start on the road to being self-confident.
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SolveYourProblem.com
: 2006
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