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eLearning Series: Self Confidence
How Do I Improve My Self Confidence?
( 50 articles in this series )
Self
Confidence & Suffering From Denial
Denial is not just a river in Egypt. More
than narcissism, perfectionism, the drive to overachieve, or
to keep yourself from achievement, denial will put the breaks
on your dreams.
Denial
is the refusal to be held accountable for your actions. The Blame Game. Pointing the finger. When you give the power
of your life over to events and other people, there is no hope
for improvement. There's no ability to improve, and your skills
are seen as worthless.
The Power of Responsibility
Self-confidence relies heavily on feeling good about your
ability to change and improve your situation. Faith on yourself.
People suffering from denial take themselves out of the question,
and leave their lives up to others to fix.
It's very hard to take back responsibility of your actions
once you've given it away. In essence you say nothing you do
does anything at all, so someone else must be doing things
for you.
Giving responsibility over your life has some subtle benefits,
for the right person. If you honestly believe nothing you do
has consequences, you never feel guilty. That leads to a lot
of confusion when your actions hurt someone, especially those
close to you.
Giving responsibility to someone else also means you never
have to worry about leaving your comfort zone. You can stay
who you are, where you are, forever, and anything results -
in your mind - was meant to happen to you.
Because people in denial do not believe they control their
actions, they don't focus on how what they do affects what
they want. They're often found sabotaging their own needs to
fulfill the expectations of other people. The self-destructive
behaviors that result will not end until the person takes back
responsibility for their lives.
Taking it back
The first issue for anyone in denial to overcome is their
sense of worthlessness. People don't just give up their rights
to get out of responsibility. They have a serious need of proof
that they're competent.
The easiest way to achieve this is through small, manageable
goals leading to simple, positive consequences. Decision with
little risk of failure will, over time, rebuilds your self-confidence.
How do you decide what direction to start in? Like anyone
else. Look at something you want to happen. Would you feel
good if the car was cleaner? Take it to the car wash. Do you
want to read more? Pick up a paperback. Choose one of the millions
of small decisions people make every day ... just make sure
it's up to you. Make sure the outcome is something you specifically
wanted to happen.
Positive Reinforcement
When you feel worthless, and hopeless to change, positive
self-talk can be a huge help. It might feel hokey at first,
but sooner than later you'll start to enjoy your talk sessions
with yourself.
Speak the truth. Think back through your life and focus on
funny or proud moments in your life. Write them down, and then
record them on tape. You don't have to listen to them again,
but set a goal to fill up so many a month. Keep tabs on what
you do that makes you smile everyday.
The better your results, the more you'll want to take some
credit. Once you acknowledge your role in forming the life
you live today, the stronger you'll feel when it comes to gaining
your life of tomorrow.
Staying realistic
You may always be tempted to put responsibility of your life
in someone else's hands. Make sure your goals depend entirely
on yourself. If you're looking for a new job, set a number
of resumes you'll deliver instead of a time frame of when you'll
be hired. Don’t leave your success up to the employers.
Realistic goals will also be, like other people struggling
with self-confidence, small to start. Your first stop on route
to a new career may be a self-assessment test. The next may
be finding training programs. And so on and so on. These are
things you choose to research, follow up, and invest your time
in.
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SolveYourProblem.com
: 2006
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