SolveYourProblem eLearning Series: Self Confidence
How Do I Improve My Self Confidence?
( 50 articles in this series )

Self Confidence: Bullies and Bullying
   

When we think of bullying, an iconic image of a bigger, stronger kid taking a five-year-old's lunch money on the playground probably comes to mind. In the 21st century, bullying has taken on surprising new aspects while maintaining its power to do harm. Yet the constant truth remains that bullying is strongly related to self-confidence.

Surprisingly, bullies may actually have low self confidence. They pick on others who are weaker to make them feel better about themselves. This isn't always the case, though. Sometimes bullies have so much self-confidence that they can't possibly fathom why what they are doing is wrong. Most victims of bullies, however, firmly fall in the camp of low confidence. And if they don't have little self-confidence to begin with, they will soon see their confidence diminish in the face of constant attacks.

Now why is it that bullies tend to pick on people who already display low self-confidence? Can bullies smell fear? In some cases, yes, bullies can pick up on nervous body language, but bullies are also likely to try to pick on anyone. Victims who stand up for themselves and don't give bullies the reaction they seek won't be picked on a second time.

If your child is the victim of bullying, you'll want to do everything you can to prevent her self-confidence from being permanently affected. If you're afraid that your child wouldn't tell you if she were being bullied, look for sudden changes in her behavior or suspicious cuts or bruises that may signal trouble at school.

Teach your child what to do if a bully confronts him. An important lesson for everyone to remember is that bullying is solely a matter of power, but bullies only have as much power as you allow them to have. A confident and self-assured child won't allow a bully to take power from them.

We urge children from an early age not to "tattle" on others, but when it comes to bullying, "tattling" is often the best policy. Even if the other child has excellent conflict resolution skills, bullies typically need intervention on a larger level. It's important to get adults involved in the situation as quickly as possible to prevent more students from being harmed. Children should feel secure in taking this course of action, and it will make them feel better about themselves in the long run.

If your child feels physically threatened by a bully, and interventions at the school aren't helping, you might help him learn how to protect himself. Enrolling your child in a martial arts program is one option. Some parents like to simply teach their children how to throw a punch. Violence isn't the solution to bullying, but if a child feels less threat of physical harm when confronted by a bully, they will feel more confident with the entire situation and will be less likely to give in to the bully's demands.

Cyber bullying is a recent addition to the arsenal of bullies. Some young people who otherwise never would have engaged in bullying can be drawn in by the anonymity of the internet. Since you can't physically strike someone online, cyber bullying falls into the realm of relational aggression, a form of bullying that uses relationships to hurt others. Relational aggression can be particularly damaging to a child's confidence because it preys on her most sensitive feelings like wanting to belong. Help your child see that the cyber bullies are just being hurtful and help her remember all of her positive qualities.

Unfortunately, bullying doesn't go away just because you're an adult, though. There are manipulative and just plain mean people in the world, from the neighbor who invites himself over to use your pool to the co-worker who strong-arms you into doing her work for her. It's best to report them to the appropriate channels, but otherwise, don't let them affect you and your life. Remember that bullies draw power from their effect on you and take confidence in your positive qualities.

Bullying is an age-old problem that threatens the self-confidence of countless children and even some adults. Being more aware of the issues involved and working to stop bullying can lead to positive change.

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SolveYourProblem.com : 2006

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