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eLearning Series: Self Confidence
How Do I Improve My Self Confidence?
( 50 articles in this series )
How
To Face Your Fears
Fear
has a purpose. It helps keep us safe & keeps us from taking
risks too dangerous. For many people
though, the power of fear keeps us from improving our lives.
In
order to become self-confident you must believe you can change
and succeed. Facing your fears is essential to living the
life you most want to lead.
Pinpointing your fears
Being
afraid is a pretty intense emotion. The first time we feel
it we might not even know why. Strangely enough, it is
not always the fear of failure that grabs hold.
Sometimes it may actually be the fear of success.
To
understand how to defeat your fears, you must understand
its motivation.
What do you have to lose?
An
illustration: Dylan played drums for a popular indie band
for nearly ten years
before they got a record deal. Instead of being elated, every
time he thought about signing the deal he started to
sweat. The option to quit the band crossed his mind several
times before he pulled himself together.
The
worst that could happen in Dylan's case was winding up on
the road, where he'd been before, in a van with guys that
he usually liked playing music he loved. There was the threat
of their songs being tweaked, winding up in debt, and other
issues he was already dealing with.
Surprisingly
it wasn't the criticism either. As an experienced musician,
he'd heard his share of hisses and boos. When he
really thought about it, Dylan was most worried about how he
would handle the success of being a major musician. Yep, afraid
of the very success he desired.
What
do I have to win?
Most times
people can easily list the benefits of a situation they're
headed into. It's what they don't
know that's so frightening. "What
will happen if I leave my husband?" "What will happen
once we're married?" "How will this baby change my
life?"
Fear
can paralyze your ability to make decisions. When it happens,
it's time to survey your options.
The world is full of resources where possible outcomes can
be rehashed and researched. Talk to other newlyweds and divorcees.
Check out parenting TV shows, books and message boards.
Don't be afraid to use your personal resources. If a friend
or neighbor has gone through something similar, talk to that
person. There's no substitute for having been there.
Once you understand what kinds of consequences you're facing,
it's much easier to prepare for them.
Planning
your actions
Your
obstacle may not be as big as Dylan's, complete with a total
change in finances, home and primary business, but
you may still be unsure of the changes when you face your fears.
It's okay to be nervous. It's also okay to be anxious, or
sad to
see your life take a different direction.
Now that you know what's ahead, you can devise a plan on how
to handle the possible results. You might need back ups to
your back ups, and a system ready to abandon your decision
should things get too intense. Having those measures in place
will help you feel more self-confident. You'll know you will
be able to deal with whatever comes up.
Right
before you come face to face with a fear, you
might try a short series of confidence boosting decisions
that
prove
your abilities
to
yourself. If you're planning a total kitchen renovation, you
may want to re-stain various pieces around your house. If you're
planning on going back to school, you might want to attend
a few workshops first.
Celebrating
in advance Don't
celebrate your success before it happens - you can't count
those chickens before they hatch - but you can feel proud
of yourself thus far. The courage it took to get to this point
will affect all of your goals from now on. The commitment and
effort you put toward a goal deserves some recognition. It
doesn't matter if you cave in at the last minute. That just
sends you back to the drawing board, to plan for a smaller,
less
threatening series of steps to overcome your fear. But remember,
keep at it - and you WILL eventually overcome.
# # # # #
SolveYourProblem.com
: 2006
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