SolveYourProblem Article Series: Parenting & Family
Here's Some Friendly Parenting Advice

How To Make The Effort & Set Aside Time For Your Kids

Families always seem to be busy. Parents' weekdays are filled with work, appointments, carpools, chores, errands, and volunteer projects. Weekends, rather than being relaxing, are times for shopping, driving to children's activities, laundry, household repairs, and paying bills.

Children's schedules are full too. In addition to school, homework, and chores, a 10 to 13 year-old may have lessons, classes, sports activities, or religious school. She may spend time talking on the phone, getting together with her friends, working on hobbies, reading, listening to music, watching TV, or playing video games. Between her activities and her parents, there is little time for the family to be together.

Eventually, this lack of closeness can lead to problems. Everyone knows older parents who say, "I wish I'd spent more time with the kids when they were young." The parent-child relationship is built during childhood and adolescence, and once the time to be together on a daily basis passes - usually by age 18 - parents can be left with many regrets.

You should make a special effort to be together with your child, even if you seem to have little opportunity or energy. By rearranging your schedule or giving up some of the things you now spend time on - socializing, volunteering, working long hours, keeping the house in perfect order - you can make yourself more available.

If your child wants to tell you a story, try putting down the paper or the mail and giving her your undivided attention. When she practices piano, occasionally sit with her and listen. When you're both in the car, use the time for discussion. Start having breakfast together or stay off the phone in the evenings so you and your child can talk.

The initiative has to come from you because your child may be too busy or self-absorbed to think about your lack of time together. While it's natural for her to want to be with friends much of the day, make it clear that family time - whether regularly planned or spontaneous - is important too. One way around conflicts is to include her friends in some of your family activities.

When you focus on your child's interests, she will welcome your increased attention. You can sit in her room while she talks about her day or you can listen to music together. You may be surprised to find that you and she like some of the same kinds of songs. Try playing a board game or video game together, making dessert, reading out loud, or sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot chocolate.

Try not to use your limited time together to reprimand your child. In some families, the only time parents and children talk is to argue. While it's important to settle disagreements, the calm and enjoyable hours you spend together are valuable. They help create an atmosphere that makes it easier for your child to be cooperative and open.

This is a period of rapid changes for your child. One father realized with a shock that in only four years his 13-year-old would be off to college. "I don't have much time left with him." The everyday events that fill your calendar should not keep you from spending time with your child as she grows and matures. Sharing good times is an important part of strengthening the bond between you.

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by SolveYourProblem.com : 2010

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