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eLearning Series: Mental Illness
Explain Mental Illnesses To Me
How
To Identify Co-Dependency
The primary identifying factor of co-dependency
is that the co-dependent tends to take care of with a great
amount of attention everyone around them; feelings, actions,
words, everything and they neglect themselves. The co-dependent
is a reactive individual instead of acting for him self or
herself. The Co-dependent Personality Disorder is characterized
by a dysfunctional relationship with others including one self. This individual is living through someone else or for someone
else and not for himself or herself. They are controlling and
will blame others instead of taking responsibility and live
in a state of victimization while trying to fix others and
they will exhibit intense anxiety when it comes to intimacy.
Co-dependency is quite common in those who come from dysfunctional
families as well as children whose parents were alcoholics
and/or addicts. Many treatment centers for chemical dependency
also offer treatment for this disorder as well. Depression,
anxiety, dysfunctional relationships and a high/low activity
level are common in co-dependents. As with many depressive
disorders there are physical symptoms that may arise such as:
stomach problems, migraines, general malaise and skin problems.
Some common characteristics:
- Anxiety
- Always having to take care of others at the expense of your
self
- Unable to trust your own feelings
- Feelings of guilt for never being able to do enough
- Depression
- Isolation
- Workaholic
- Perfectionism
- No clear boundaries
- Low self-esteem – seeks approval in others
- Unable to take responsibility for own actions
- Unable to sustain or maintain relationships
- Over-reacting to circumstances
- Acts impulsively
- Resentment of those in authority
- Fear of anger
- Does not take criticism well
- Needs lots of drama in their lives
- Confusion between love and pity
- Tendency
to look for "victims" to
help
- Rigidity and need to control
- Lies, when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
The
co-dependent personality is often a rescuer constantly
trying to save others from the consequences they are about
to face. They will go to great lengths to do this in so far
as giving them money and lying for them if they think they
are helping them. Of course this type of rescuing only serves
to keep the dysfunctional individual in that state thus enabling
the person they are rescuing to continue making the poor choices
that they are experiencing. The co-dependent individual is
a controller and will do so by whatever means works best. The
intentions of the co-dependent are well founded they are only
executed in the wrong fashion. The co-dependent needs to learn
that there is only one person in this world that any of us
can control would be ourselves. Once the co-dependent comes
to this understanding they will then be able to help the dysfunctional
people in their lives start to take responsibility for their
own actions.
The
codependent's recovery is simple to state. But it takes
time and effort to achieve. The prime objective in healing
is to learn to take good care of yourself and do not worry
about how the others are going to get along. It is important
for the co-dependent to get in touch with their own feelings
and actions and become detached from needing to involve themselves
in the affairs of the other person. To learn to love one self
and to take responsibility for attending to one's own needs.
Detachment means using the energy for yourself and your needs
instead of using it on others and neglecting yourself. Understanding
your boundaries and let others know what they are as well is
very important in the healing process of the co-dependent.
Giving of your love, energy, emotions and person to a dysfunctional
person is draining and can have a long lasting affect on your
life even after that individual is gone. Part of the healing
process is to be able to let go of the pain and then learn
how to make your life happy. To learn to use all the energy
you once did for the dysfunctional individual and now use that
for yourself. Some signs of co-dependency:
- Feeling responsible for others
- Feeling compelled to solve others problems
- Trying to take care of others feelings
- Anger at injustices done to others and disregard injustices
done to yourself
- Feeling safe only when you are giving or doing for others
- Feelings
of guilt when someone gives to you
- Low self-esteem unless you are taking care of someone else
- Constantly talking, thinking and worrying
- Not interested in your own romantic life
- Accept abuse so as not to be alone
- Unable to break the pattern of bad relationships
If you have answered yes to more than 3 of these you could
be codependent. There are many ways to help one self. Many
good books are available today that help build boundaries and
self esteem. Contact your local Twelve Step programs and they
can direct you to the services that will best meet your needs.
Other resources include counseling and workshops to help you
maintain and define boundaries. # # # # #
SolveYourProblem.com
: 2006
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