Am I Missing My G-Spot?

Dear Doctor:

I have been reading your questions and answers on the web, and there is one thing I am very unsure about. I have been with my boyfriend now for 4 1/2 years and I always climax during sex. I reach this is through my boyfriend licking my clitoris. It’s absolutely great - even beyond great, but when I often hear of people having an orgasm from an internal "g-spot".

Am I really experiencing an orgasm or have I yet to experience one? What is that? Please tell me so I know there is nothing I am missing out on.

Thank You

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Hello!

First of all, your sexual response (as a woman) is much more complicated than a man's. Some women report "clitoral orgasms" (as you do), "vaginal orgasms", orgasm that feel differently via sex and many other types. In fact, some women can climax simply from being hugged or kissed - without any direct stimulation of the genitals. There is a wide variety of experience when it comes to women's climaxes.

The orgasm you experience through oral sex may be the only type of orgasm you know, but many women can learn to climax via other methods too - including sex and masturbation of other areas, fantasy, etc. That however isn't really the goal unless you're just experimenting. The goal should always be mutual satisfaction (both you and your boyfriend) - whatever that means to you both. It doesn't even always have to end in orgasms! If you're finding that you're satisfied via oral sex alone, you're not necessarily missing out on something.

Many women have a "g-spot" located somewhere between the opening of the vagina up to about 2 inches inside the front wall of the vagina (if you're standing up). The absolute location is different for different women. This fleshy area often has additional nerve endings that produce anything from dramatic sensations to nothing at all. Some women experience incredibly strong orgasms from this area being stimulated which may even include an ejaculation of fluid (perfectly normal by the way). Others get no benefit from it or even find it uncomfortable.

You might try this with your boyfriend: while you're on your back, and he's licking your clitoris, show him how to insert one or more fingers into you and stimulate the top of your vagina. Experiment to find out what feels best, make sure he washes his hands before of course, and take it slowly at first. Just try experimenting to see how it feels. If you find it particularly enjoyable try including it in your oral stimulation to see what happens. Obviously, if it's not comfortable or pleasurable, you can ask him to stop.

The bottom line is that you can experiment with all sorts of types of sex, but don't lose focus. Sex is communication first between you and your boyfriend. Whatever you find enjoyable between you two is the goal, and if achieved, you're not missing out on anything!

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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