Online dating tips : A Total Lack Of Respect

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Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...

A Total Lack Of Respect

Hey Doc!

I'm afraid I’m loosing my boyfriend of almost 3 years. I’m looking for ANY ideas of what to do.

We've been having some small problems lately over the summer because of "personal issues" like his work and family and what not, which causes a lot of stress and he's had difficulties dealing with it all About 3 weeks ago we had a long night talking about everything and came to an understanding. We've been back to our old selves since then. Well, I ran into my stepsister's ex-boyfriend and was introduced to him, and I was a little interested because he said they didn't talk anymore and I had heard a lot about them (my stepsister and I don't talk, she left home and no one has really heard anything from her – she wont even talk to us, something of a “good girl gone bad”.)

He told me some crazy things she had said to him while they were together, like that her dad treated her bad and wouldn't do anything for her and we all talked bad about her and left her out of the family, etc – all untruthful. Then he said "you should see some of the e-mails she sent me, they talk all about it" and offered to send them to me if I gave him my email. I thought about it, and just figured I really wanted to know what she said, so why not.

The day I'm talking to him on-line for the first and only time; my boyfriend shows up at the house to surprise me, and saw this guy’s name on my computer. He scared me by coming up behind me and I quickly closed the conversation, by the time I get up he is in the car leaving and calls and says that he can't believe I did this after 3 years and how good we were getting, that it was over! I tried to give him a little time, but that didn't happen. He really thinks I cheated on him!!

It’s been 4 days and he's still upset. When I talk to him he makes angry, hurtful comments that piss me off. I've tried EVERYTHING I can think of to say and do; he just won’t believe me, but he finally said he did love me and didn't want anyone else but that he obviously can't be with me!

PLEASE what can I do, I don't want to throw us away on something that didn't happen.

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Hello!

Gawd! Don't any of you have any respect for anyone else???

First, whether or not you've seen your step-sister doesn't make any difference. She's your step-sister for God's sake! Don't you think you owe her enough respect to NOT read her emails to this guy? Don't you think you owe her enough respect to NOT start anything up with him? What about him? He was with her for some time; doesn't he owe her enough respect such that he wouldn't share her emails with you or anyone else? If she wanted you to have them, I'm sure that she would have sent them to you herself.

Whether you "cheated" on your boyfriend or not with this guy (and frankly, I'm not convinced - it may not have been in bed, but it appears to have been in your mind and heart - just as bad), your boyfriend has every right to feel the way he does. This is just more disrespect - of him and your relationship with him.

Lindsey, this is all about a lack of respect on everyone's part, and now that it has come back to bite you on the ass, you want some way out of it.

Look, you may have to simply put that back on your boyfriend to come to grips with things and move ahead if he cares (respects?) you enough. However, if he chooses to not do this, I don't know what to tell you to do. I personally think he deserves better.

I suggest that you go work on yourself at this point. Why is it that you and the people that you are around don't respect one another? The simple answer is this: you don't respect yourself. That's the place to begin.

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.