"The Test" and "The Challenge"

Dennis,

I read your brief article about "The Test" with much interest. I've always known this was going on - at least at a subconscious level initially - but have never seemed to deal with it very well. Although I'm getting better with age and maturity, there was a time when I would get rather indignant about the very idea of being tested in the first place - never mind the passing or the failing. So I'm interested in your books, Being a Man in a Women's World I & II and have a couple of questions for you.

Do these books cover "The Test"?

Having not read volume I yet, do I need it? Or can I just get volume II? In other words, is volume II strictly new material, and if it is, does it cover The Test?

Are there any other books by you or by other authors that cover this topic?
I want to read as much as I can about this.

Finally and most importantly, I've become very interested in applying my own Tests to help me determine a woman's character. Do you know of any books, articles, etc. that cover the topic from this angle?

Thanks!

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Hello!

Ah, yes, "The Test". It's such an insidious feminine tool that I devoted an entire chapter to it in my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World". The new book picks up (on all subjects - and quite a few more) where the first one left off. In the new book I also talk about "Mini-Tests" and the "Test by Proxy". Thus, if you're going to read the second book (I highly recommend it of course), you should definitely read the first before it.

As far as I know, I'm the only author that has discovered - and talks about - The Test. However, a large number of talk show hosts and writers around the country actually use my book and discuss The Test from it.

I actually talk about men using The Test in a few cases, but frankly, it's not a very good idea - at least as women use it. When men use The Test, they come off as insecure - something you don't want. On the other hand, there IS a way for men to Test. Let me tell you about it.

The version of The Test that men can use successfully is actually called "Challenge". A number of authors talk about this technique, but not in the way that I do. Here's what you want to do with Challenge:

A man uses Challenge to change his relative position with a woman. Consider this: most men come almost from a begging standpoint when they deal with women. For instance, they chase her trying to get her to go out with them, then they bring flowers trying to buy her, they then take her out to an expensive restaurant, and spend the entire evening trying to entertain her - all in the hopes of getting a good night kiss.

Challenge does the exact opposite. One of the best ways to start Challenge is to ask your date: "So, what do you bring to a relationship?"

This seems like an odd - almost harsh - question to ask so early, but it is specifically designed to do one thing: take you out of the "seller position" and move you into the "buyer position". In other words, rather than trying to convince your date that she should see you again, and should kiss you, sleep with you, etc., etc., you are now asking her why YOU should do these things with HER!

Yes, I know what you're thinking - of course you want these things. Let me tell you something: so does she! However, women initially enter the dating game from the buyer's position. Challenge turns this on it's head.

Here's another form of Challenge that I teach my students: tell her that you're not going to kiss her unless she proves to you that she's worthy of it. Ouch! You can even say, "I've kissed so many women that don't know how to kiss properly that I've decided I'm not going to waste them on just anyone." Yet another form of this is: "Oh, you're from Canada - that's too bad! I've never met a Canadian that could kiss very well!" [or wherever - you get the point]

Let me ask you something: do you really think that any woman doesn't think she's the world's greatest kisser? Of course she does! It's just like ever man thinks that he's the world's best driver! The point of this is to place her squarely in the position of proving herself to you - and what better thing to have proven then whether she can kiss well or not?

So, when you think about The Test - remember that it's a feminine thing. The male equivalent is The Challenge.

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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All rights reserved.