She's Just Too Busy

Doc:

I recently read one of your columns advising a guy to back off for 3-4 months from contacting a woman who's "too busy".

I have one like that. She was very hurt in her marriage, and now she's scared to get involved (relationship equals pain). Yet at the same time she wants to be involved (women!) and the chemistry between us is remarkable (even she comments on this). Her response is to severely limit the time we spend together by filling up every spare second with work, activities, etc.

At this point, without the magical chemistry, I wouldn't even bother, but I'd like to make it work if I can.

Should I just stop calling her, or hang in there, chipping away at the castle gates?

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Hello!

Men make this mistake all the time by thinking that they can "chip away at the castle" to get what they want. Instead, you need to turn another direction and let her follow you out of that castle!

Which do you think is the greater "pain"? Being in a relationship with someone she doesn't respect, and manipulates based on her own whim, or thinking that she's losing a great guy because SHE'S not giving him enough attention? Obviously, the pain we inflict on ourselves is always the worst.

With this woman, you need to use a technique I call the "Panzer Blitz". This comes from the Germans during the First World War. What they would do is to bomb the shit out of a certain areas of a major city, reducing them to piles of ruble, while leaving the rest of the city intact. When the people started to rebuild, they would give them a few months, and then hit them again. They repeated this over and over with the intent of demoralizing the people of that city.

You can do this too and begin eroding a woman's belief in something that prevents her from doing what YOU want her to do. In the case of this woman, you get scarce for a few weeks. Don't call her, don't write her, don't run into her, etc. You don't even return her calls or SMS's! Then, out of the blue, (in a few weeks), you call her and tell her you'll see her on Thursday, (or whenever). Don't ask her if she's available, that's her problem - not yours!

If she can't make it, just end the conversation and say, "Ok - see you later, bye", and hang up. Then, don't call her again for two weeks! She might even suggest another night; "Oh, Thursday isn't good - are you available Wednesday?" Just say, "No, Thursday's your night." If she still can't make it, go out anyway, and start hunting, or plan a date with someone else for that night. Use your time wisely.

There's a pretty good chance that she WILL be available however! If she's at all interested in seeing you, she's going to make time for it, especially if she's busy. Believe me, after you've done this a few times, she's going to start opening up her schedule to fit, but the real key is for you to be consistent. If you get wishy-washy on this, you're going to lose the momentum and have to start back at square one.

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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