Hi,

I am hoping you can help shed a little light on my situation, as I am completely out if my mind from this woman.

We met 6 years ago though a personal ad when we finally met it seemed like love at first site for us both. Things seemed to only get better between us for the first couple of years then I started to notice a change in her attitude towards me.

Note that this was a long distance relationship. I checked into moving closer to her and found that it would have been more practical financially for her to move closer to me. She went to a few job interviews and was even offered a job, which paid a little more than her current job at the time. She blew off the job and would never talk to me about why, and we finally stopped talking about living together. Shortly after that I started to notice she was going out a lot more than usual and always told me it was dinner at one her girlfriends houses or ladies night out. She started making comments about me being too clingy and was very defensive if asked where she went or if her and her friends had fun, which never bothered her before.

I started to get the feeling she was seeing someone else, which turned out to right. Around Valentine's Day I was starting to make flight reservations and plans. About a week before my flight she told that she starting to get sick and didn't want me to get sick so I didn't have to come if I didn't want to. I ended up not going after talking to her the night before I was to leave, She sounded terrible and ended up not going. This ended up being the biggest mistake I made and she made sure I knew it and that's when thing started to really fall apart.

It stared with her suggestion that we take a break and not see or speak to each other for 6 months. I completely blew it and would not stop calling her and even drove up one night it made her completely freak out even though I called and let her know I was coming. She called me right as I was getting into her town and screamed at me, telling me to turn around and go home by then I was so tired that I was in no shape to drive another 8 hours. I explained this to her and asked if I could at least sleep on the couch and would leave first thing in the morning which made her even angrier.

She told me if came to her house she would call the police and have me arrested. Keep in mind I had never even raised a hand to her and she knew I had no intent to harm her. I am sure she had someone there because I called a couple times awhile I was on the road there was no answer.

Finally after a few months she started speaking to me again eventually asked me to come see her to try and start over again. Since then she has not told me she loves me and got pissed if I said it. I started to lose my temper which resulted in some hard core arguing. No matter how civil I was and no matter how much I put with her rudeness she would stop.

Suddenly she started telling I was psychotic and could not understand why I would ever say things like I did when she didn't give me a reason. So as it is now she refuses to take any blame and tells me that I am the one who destroyed the relationship. We ended seeing each for another year, (which was total hell other than the sex that was out of this world and kinky as it gets).

I have not seen her now in over 3 month's and not talked to her for about 1 month. The last time we spoke I asked if I could come see her, which she refused.

Can you please try to explain why she could not just tell me that she was seeing someone new which I have verified and know is true instead of just blowing me off after knowing for so long?

I hope you can she a little light on this.

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Hello!

I'm going to answer your question, but first let me ask you this: what in the hell is wrong with YOU???

Why would you stay in such a low, humiliating relationship with this bitch? If this were me, the very first time that she wasn't "available" to take a phone call or return an email, she'd have been on the curb. You spent 6 YEARS of your life pursuing this damaging, using bitch! My brother, you've got much bigger fish to fry than just worrying about why she abused you!

So, on to your question:

The fact is that women WILL NOT tell you that they have someone else on the side, (just as she no doubt didn't tell the other guys either!) The only exception to this rule is if she's going to get married. Then, she has no choice but to come clean, but if there's any other "wiggle room", she's going to take it. It's just the way the average woman works. You're supposed to "get it" from her apparent lack of interest in you.

There are many reasons why this is true. One of the most important is the dichotomy between men and women. Men are expected to be up-front about their actions and their intentions. We call this "honor", and in fact, many women constantly chide men about not coming straight out with their intentions! They say things like, "He's a complete 'dog' for not telling her that he was seeing someone else!", but then they turn right around and do the same things themselves as though it's ok. In fact, in their minds it IS ok - they aren't expected to be "honorable". This is also the foundation of such statements as "it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind". Bullshit!

Another reason behind all of this is the fact that most women actually want to keep men on the hook. That way, they have someone to boost their sagging egos when their down. Even more insidious, they can then tell other guys that they're interested in that they have a boyfriend! This is the way that woman work - swinging from one boyfriend to another rather than doing the "honorable" thing and breaking it off with the first boyfriend before taking up with the second.

I’m not even going to get into the issue of the long-distance relationship here other than to say they never work out!

Also consider that this woman is a f*cking lunatic! You hit it right on the head when you said how wild the sex was. You'll never have wilder sex than that with a crazy woman. You should just be very, very thankful that she's out of your life and you can now "heal" and move on. I just hope that this 6-year incident remains an open wound for you for some time to come so that you never, ever forget this lesson.

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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