She Has A Boyfriend

Doc:

About two years ago, I flirted a little with a girl who worked a few doors down from where I worked, nothing much happened. However, I was very much intrigued, she pushes all my buttons, she's hot, she's smart, and I love her attitude. Back then, things just didn't click, I wrote it off as "wasn't meant to be" and moved on.

A couple of weeks ago, I started a part-time second job, and guess who is also working there? Yep, it's her again. Working together with her, I've definitely developed more of a connection now than I made by "cold call" flirting with her two years ago, BUT she has a boyfriend. She's known him since they were kids, and they've been going out a little short of a year. She has made statements like "we're such different people" as if there's some uncertainty in that situation, but overall it seems like a relatively normal relationship.

I am not putting all my eggs in this basket, a gambling man would consider this a long shot, BUT this girl turns my crank, she's got what I need, she is seriously the kind of lady I'm looking for, and since I'm pretty picky, I don't come across those every day.

I'm no math genius, but I know that most relationships don't end up taking a girl totally off the market forever, so there's a chance if I play my cards right, I might be the next guy she's interested in. I enjoy serious relationships more than casual flings, if that has any bearing, and I'd like to "do the honorable thing".

I would like the freedom to go about my life, and pursue my other dating options without hiding anything, but still do everything I can to possibly be in the right place at the right time. Hey, maybe even steal the girl, if that's possible without doing the other guy too wrong.

I had a thought of going out with another girl at this place and doing my best to rock her world, a satisfied girl telling stories never hurt a guy's image. Decent idea?

I could use the perspective of the skilled master on this one.

Thanks!

Hello!

Let's look at a couple of things:

First, you really don't know anything about this woman other than how she looks, and a few conversations with her. Believe me, she's quite a different person than you've created in your mind. Thus, thinking about a relationship or even "doing the right thing" is very premature! It always worries me when someone starts talking like that without having been with her for some time.

What you're doing is setting your focus on a target and waiting for her to walk in front of it! If being married is your goal, fine, but don't consider any particular person for the job - yet! That is an earned position!

Next, she claims that she has a boyfriend, but do you know that for a fact? Many women use that excuse to get some distance from someone that is pursuing them - or at least coming on too strong. This is one of those cases where your game is the critical factor. Even if she does have a boyfriend, it doesn't change your plan. After all, it's easier to steal someone else's girlfriend than to keep one!

Relying on another girl to do your marketing for you also isn't a good idea unless you know the girl very well (she's your sister for instance). Yes, women DO talk, but you'll have to put so much into her that you'll have little or nothing left for anyone else! What if it doesn't happen? What if you're not the match for girl #2 that you think you are? What's she going to say about you then?

All of these issues come down to one thing: you don't have any "game" going for yourself. You're trying to "shotgun" your approach rather than use a direct, specific plan. Scattered/fractured plans are never a good idea. Here's a better one:

First, don't focus on this one girl. Yes, I know you are claiming that you're not, but the fact is - you are. Go out and find at least 2 or 3 other women and start dating them. These don't have to be expensive dates, and in fact, if you do this right, they will pay for much of them for you! They don't have to be 10's or even marrying material either. You're just trying to build your dating skills. Of course, once you get to know a woman she may actually climb that ladder on her own; going from a 6 to a 7 or higher!

Second, ignore that boyfriend remark from girl #1. Just invite her out for coffee or a drink "to get to know her better". It's very simple, non-threatening, and if she accepts, you're in. If not, you're working on 2-3 other women anyway! NEXT!

Third, (this probably should have been first), get a real game plan together. Decide what your long-term goals are, but not who's going to fill them. Once you get your plan together, work on your skills. There are is a ton of great information out there, (Dating-Insider and my book and website are probably the best), so get started on your education.

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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