Sexual Technique For The Would-Be Lover

Hello:

Here’s a small question that’s been bothering me a lot: What technique can I use to make love to my girl so that she will be mine forever?

Thanks.

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Hello!

Sorry to tell you this - there is no such "technique". That's just not the way women are wired. Yes, I know that many guys SAY they have such a technique. Unfortunately, it is just bullshit, (believe me, I wish I had one!)

Here's why: every woman is vastly different from everyone else. If you find one thing that "worked" on one woman it isn't necessarily going to work on another. Further, you'll find that something that worked today, won't work tomorrow. Further still, something you may try today that she yelled at you for, she's may be begging you to do tomorrow. It's all just a woman thing - go figure!

So, the question really is, "How can I be good in bed?" Now THAT'S a question I can answer!

To begin with let me say this: NOBODY is a natural-born lover. I don't care who they are. Being a good lover is a LEARNED SKILL that you have to practice. In fact, men in general are better lovers for women than woman are for men! Why? There are a number of reasons including:

Ø Women spend more time studying relationships than lovemaking

Ø Men are often just happy if they get a woman INTO bed and don't demand that she practice good technique

Ø Men don't tell women what they want (neither do women, by the way!)

Ø Men are much more likely to pick up a book on technique or ask their buddies

Ø Women spend a lot of their time in bed thinking things like, "Gee, I wonder if he thinks I'm too fat", or "I hope my makeup isn't smeared across my face!” etc.

With all of this to consider it's amazing that ANYONE learns to be good at sex!

I've had a lot of sex with a lot of women (sorry for the bragging boys - it's true!) What I've learned from it all is that you can't learn a few techniques and think you've got women mastered. It doesn't work that way. However, it is possible to "learn how to learn". Here are a few keys:

1) Ask!

Get over yo' bad self and ask her for Christ's sake! Many men don't ask their women what they want in bed for fear of appearing inexperienced. Women often help perpetuate this by being afraid to tell their men what they want. They somehow think that either the man "should just know" (how stupid does THAT sound?), or she feels slutty asking. Yes guys, I know - you'd LOVE to hear your woman tell you what she wants - pant, pant!

Here's what I do: when I'm going to sleep with someone for the first time, I ask her as part of our foreplay, "Honey, is there anything you particularly don't like?" They always say something like, "Well, not really!" (Yoo-hoo!). Then, I ask, "Is there anything you particularly DO like?" They almost always say, "Well, I like just about everything!" (Double-Yoo-hoo!). The point is, I ask.

2) Learn basic techniques.

Being a good lover isn't about just jumping on for the ride. Any fool with a dick can do that. It's about understanding that woman's sexual response is different from men's. They need build up and a chance to get lubricated. Otherwise sex is painful! There is no set amount of time needed. Not only does it differ from woman to woman, it differs each time with the SAME woman! So, learn to know when your woman is ready.

Further there is no "magic button" you can press and make her ready. 90% of men's sexual reaction is physical. 90% of women's sexual reaction is emotional. If you want more than a one-night stand, you'd better get that fact firmly ingrained in your mind.

You should also learn how to kiss (yes, there is a right and a wrong way!), how to touch, and how to give head (if your woman loves this activity - you're going to be a star if you learn it well! For some specifics, check here: Kiss Her To Climax. You should also learn how to control your own orgasm to insure that she has a chance to reach hers. Note: many women can't climax from intercourse alone! Know when to keep going, and when to give up and switch to another method (manual, oral, vibrator, etc.) , or when to just give up entirely and cuddle.

Also: don't forget that she expects an orgasm too! She may not be able to get there, but she expects it just the same. You'd better learn to read when she's reaches the "big O", so that you'll know when to keep going, and when to back off.

3) Get over the hang-ups!

Too many people, (both men AND woman) have all sorts of hang-ups about sex. These come from many sources, parents, ex-lovers, religion, etc., etc. GET OVER THEM! Sex is one of the most important things two (or more - he, he!) people can share. You owe it to yourself and your partner to get it right. Nothing is more rewarding than a rich sex life.

Stay tuned - I may just write some more articles on specific techniques.

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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