Hi!

I'm 24 and I just recently had a bad breakup with a guy that I've been with for 3 years. The reason why we broke up is because he thinks I cheated on him, but I didn't!

The story is; I was talking to a male friend on the phone at his house (because I live with him) and he overheard everything that I said to my friend. The conversation was a sexual conversation, but I was just fooling around!

My ex-boyfriend doesn't believe me, and he thinks that I cheated with this guy because of the conversation. I can understand that he's pissed off. But, he doesn't want to talk to me or see me anymore he's telling all his friends that he's going to just forget about me.

I'm hurting really badly. What do I do? What do I say to convince him that I didn't cheat I was just fooling around with my friend? I want him back. Everybody makes mistakes and I think I deserve a second chance.

PLEASE HELP! I don't know what to do.

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Hello!

First, let's look at what the real mistake is: it's not about the conversation at all, it's about having a male friend that is so close that you feel you can carry on these types of conversations! Let me explain:

You have the "right" (if you want to call it that) to talk to your "friends" about anything you damn well please. However, when you do this you risk harming other things that are important to you. Look at it like this: you have the "right" to drive your car into a bad neighborhood, park it unlocked, with the keys in it too. If it gets stolen, that wasn't "right" but it happened just the same, and now you get to suffer without the car.

Here's why your boyfriend is angry: your male "friend" is just trying to work himself into the action. Men don't choose women as "friends" unless they want something more. That is the way it is and you're going to have to first get yourself fully around that fact. If you even doubt this for one instant, give me his phone number and I'll ask him! But, you don't have to do that, I already know the truth.

Your boyfriend is angry because HE knows this fact too (all men do). By having such friends - and especially by having these kinds of conversations with them - you are just fueling the fire your boyfriend already knows exists.

Now, let's take it the next step: your boyfriend has the right to not have his relationship with you (or any woman) impacted by outsiders, and it's YOUR job to make sure that doesn't happen, just like it's his job to make sure that YOUR relationship with him isn't affected either. You didn't hold up your end of the bargain in his eyes, (he's right, by the way), and that is why he's angry.

Frankly, you've probably destroyed this relationship - maybe beyond repair. If you want to salvage it, you really have only one chance. Here's what you need to do:

1) Go talk to him - not on the phone or via email, but in person.
2) Explain that you now understand why he's angry where you didn't before.
3) Tell him that you are going to stop the "friendship" with this guy - or any that you are so close with and ask him to forgive you.
4) DO IT. Stop choosing your male "friends" over your relationship, and start treating it with the respect it deserves.

You've got to realize that your male friends aren't your "buddies". They want to bang you and work they're way to you from the inside. That's the only reason why they are your "friends". Sorry, that's just the way it is. Either treat your relationships with the respect they deserve, or don't plan to have many good ones.

Best regards...

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