Painful Shyness and Fear

Dear Sir,

I am a 19-year-old virgin from CA. I have yet to go on my first date. I have never hugged, kissed, or held a girls hand. I am currently seeing a psychiatrist. I have been on medication for about 7 months now after a nervous breakdown.

The thing is that I am TREMENDOUSLY SHY with women. I feel real uncomfortable around them. I have a FEAR of them. I don't know what to do. I don't want to live alone for the rest of my life. Please help me.

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Hello!

If you've never been to a gym or exercised, would you just jump right into a ring with Mike Tyson? Of course not! You'd get your ass kicked! That's what many men do however with relationships - they just jump in with the "experts" (women ARE relationship experts, believe me) and try to manage everything by "learning as they go". That's a poor choice.

Your shyness may have prevented you from learning the skills you need, but remember this: it's only an excuse. Now, you're feeling anxiety because of fear of never having a relationship - let alone the perfect relationship for you. That fear has grown via a cycle of unhappiness, insecurity, shyness, more fear, etc. and is standing in your way.

However it doesn't have to be like this! (That's why you wrote to me, right?) I get letters every day from guys just like you that have never had a single relationship, let alone even kissed a woman (other than Grandma), who are in their 40's, 50's and even 60's! These guys however learn the skills and all of a sudden - almost like flipping a light switch - start meeting great women and get themselves going on real relationships. You can do this too, but you have to realize that it's going to take some real work on your part. Here's what you're going to have to do:

1) Get yourself in "fighting shape". This means that you're going to need to get through your psychological issues and get moving on your life. These issues - whatever they are - have been at least one of the excuses (luxuries?) you've used to keep yourself from having that relationship you deserve. Get yourself "market ready".

2) Get educated about women. You need to understand that women don't want to be alone the rest of their lives any more than you do. They are looking for great guys and want to meet someone that fits their dreams - just like you do. All you really have to do is to learn what they want, and be that guy! Pretty simple really. I strongly urge you to start with "Being a Man in a Woman's World" as it's going to give you all the basic skills and knowledge you need to get started.

3) Set your goals, create your plan and start working your plan! Again, "Being a Man..." will help you here too. It's going to lead you right through the goal setting process, show you exactly how to build that plan, and how to start working it immediately.

Finally, you need to realize that you're still young and have many years ahead of you. These years can be filled with great women that are thrilled to be with a guy like you or they can be filled with loneliness - they choice is yours. Do something TODAY to make tomorrow different, or it's going to be just the same. Get going - it's your life we're talking about here!

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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