One Night Stands

I really enjoyed your book and your advice!

I was wondering, how do I get women to sleep with me when I first meet them? I don’t seem to know how to get them aroused. Is there something wrong with me? Maybe it’s the way I talk or something!

I really need your help!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Hello!

Let me see if I'm clear on your question: are you saying that you can't seem to get women to sleep with you for a one-night stand?

Frankly, not many men CAN do this. It is challenging for many reasons, but not impossible. It requires a number of skills and understanding of women in general. It is usually much easier to get them to sleep with you after a few dates. But, that said, let's look at how this is done:

Learn to read "types"
Women, (like apples, cars, and group therapy), come in "types". "Players" learn to read these types and know the ones to target. If you want to be successful in the one-night stand game, you've got to learn to pick out these types. The most important type you're looking for is a woman with low self-esteem. Strangely enough, these tend to be the most beautiful women!

You're also looking for a woman that has a good association with her own body. You’ll know this by the way she dresses – usually tight, brightly colored clothing, with a lot of jewelry. If she's self-conscious she'll never feel comfortable enough with you in one night to sleep with you.

Learn to play to the woman's low self-esteem
A few well-placed compliments go a long way. Too many, and you'll be viewed as a player and the defense will go up instantly. As well, you've got to learn to speak in the woman's personal language, (for more, please see my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World").

As well, comment, (but don't compliment) her on her "style" and give her something to shoot for - if she plays your game. For example, you can say things like, "You really come off as nice, but I can see that you've got an 'evil' side to you." Give her little challenges that she can address to keep the game going.

Learn to build connection and trust
Connection occurs when she starts thinking, "Gee, I feel like I've known this guy for years!" You can build that by "mirroring" her activities, speaking in her language, and echoing her own belief system, (again, see "Being a Man in a Woman's World" for details).

The point of this is to get her to let her guard down, and start being open to sex. A little alcohol will help too, but keep this to a minimum. If she gets drunk, you're going to be out of the game.

Use "sexual language" and inference
You want your conversation to start moving toward sex. But, don't be too blatant about it. Use subtle cues like the double (or single) entendre; ask her about what she finds most sexy in a man; let her give you examples from her own past, etc. These tools get her to start thinking about sex - especially having sex with you!

Keep her focus using your eyes
This actually is a light form of hypnosis! By keeping her eyes focused directly in your eyes, and yours in hers, you're actually narrowing her focus. This helps to deepen the connection she feels, and therefore the trust and security.

Set the hook, then pull away
She has to be left "wanting more". You do this, by getting her going and reading her "buying signals". When she is leaning in toward you, showing you her palms and wrists, playing with her hair, touching herself, etc., etc. she's giving you buying signals.

This is the time you want to say, "Well it was nice meeting you", and turn and walk away! You're going to snap her back to reality - where she doesn't want to be. It will be her job to recreate those great feelings again. So, she'll chase after you and say, "Oh, wait ..." This is a good time to tell her that you're getting tired of the bar and are interested in going somewhere else, (like HER place!)

Let her think is was HER idea
If she thinks that sleeping together is YOUR idea, she's going to be hesitant. If she "thinks it up" (with your help of course), she's going to be much more receptive!

Be responsible
Finally, take responsibility for her and yourself. USE CONDOMS EVERY SINGLE TIME! No exceptions!

Does all this mean that you won't be able to sleep with a woman when you first meet her if she doesn't have low self-esteem? No, not necessarily. It depends on the connection you establish.

Best regards...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

Copyright (c) 2004-2011, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.