Online dating tips : It's Never Too Late To Date

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Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...

It's Never Too Late To Date

Hi Doc,

I am 39, never married, and rarely dated. I am trying to get on my feet career and finance wise, but it is hard because I don't date or look aggressively enough to satisfy my semi-superiors in the corporate world. I want a relationship, but I am not out going enough.

Any tips?

Calvin

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Hello Calvin!

While there are some people that are "naturally outgoing" most of us have to work on it. You are right to associate some outwardness with dating, as there is a direct relationship between them. We'll explore this in a moment so bear with me.

First, let's talk about what women want. Not what "popular opinion" says they want, but what they really want. Through my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", I get a lot of mail from readers - both from men AND women. The women continue to tell me the same things - they want men that are confident, strong and have a solid direction.

The problem with “popular opinion” is that it is based on the wrong questions. We hear all the time that women want good-looking, wealthy men with large penises. These are based on questions like, "Is a man's attractiveness important to you?" What a stupid question! Of course it is, but it doesn't ask the two most important aspects of the question; 1) "HOW important are looks to you?” and 2) "WHAT do you find MOST attractive in a man?" Thus, most men are confused about just what women really want.

This all began with a "feminization" of society - about 35 years ago. You and I have been through that period when we "thought" that women wanted "sensitive" and "caring" men. Too many of us still believe this, but let me say my female readers don't agree. Women don't want men that are "feminized" - that's why they have girlfriends!

Ok, so what about you? I have asked hundreds of women this question: "What do you find MOST attractive in a man?" They continue to tell me the same thing: CONFIDENCE. Could it really be that simple? The answer of course is "yes and no". Women look for confidence in the initial approach. As you're already aware, it is our (men's) responsibility to make this first contact. Thus, if you carry yourself with confidence and act as though you EXPECT a woman to be thrilled to meet you, she will be! Note that I said "confidence" and not "cockiness". There is a fine line, but cocky men turn-off women.

Calvin, you first need to work on an approach but it's easy to get started. Begin by simply making eye contact with everyone you encounter. Don’t worry if they seem to “look through you” – their reaction isn’t important. You’re only trying to establish a pattern of success here. Once this feels comfortable add a simple smile. Next, when this begins to feel comfortable, add a "hello". As you practice these skills, they become ingrained and feel begin to natural. At this point you are ready to begin meeting women because these are the skills you need - making eye contact, smiling, saying hello - and doing it with ease and confidence.

Along with your career goals have you set any relationship goals? Most people spend more time planning their vacations than they spend planning their lives. In my book, I cover this planning process in depth and highly recommend that you pick up a copy of it then commit it to memory. It also covers many other aspects of dating that you’re going to need including communications, meeting women, and "handling your success" which discusses problems between your new mate and the rest of your life!

Get started today - believe me, you'll be surprised at how easy it all really is! But, if you don't do something today, tomorrow will be the same. If you don't do something this week, next week will be just like this one, etc. So, get going - you can do it!

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.