A Case of Mistaken Virginity

Dear Dr Neder,

I have read a couple of stories regarding love problems on your website, knowing that you may give me some advice or solutions on my problem, I decided to send you this letter.

I'm 20 years old and a college student. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months and we are so happy together! There was never a dull moment with him and I know that he loves me and I love him so much. We often hang out and we are always together until we came to the point of almost crossing the line. At first he tried to take away my virginity but I said no! So we just give him a blowjob to give him satisfaction. And in return he licks my pussy and inserts his finger in me. But as time goes by we often have been petting and necking and I somewhat enjoy it. There finally came a time that he insisted on inserting HALF of his dick in my pussy, it hurt but he still pushed it in until he came, but his dick did not reach the very inner me and I did not even bleed. So I asked him if he had already taken my virginity and he's not sure about it. I did not feel anything inside me. I was never aroused and I did not feel anything strange.

So I just want to know if that activity made me loose my virginity? I believe that sex plays a big role for a relationship to survive, but I find my virginity so precious and important to me.

Help me please! Thank you so much and more power to you!

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Hello!

There is no "may" or "maybe" about it. I answer ALL reader's questions - including yours!

First, virginity is highly overrated in my book! What's so "precious" about it? The fact that you aren't learning what you need to know to satisfy your boyfriend and future husband? The fact that you're keeping yourself in the dark about your own sexuality, and in fact are practicing NOT being able to be satisfied by sex? This doesn't sound so precious to me!

Let's first discuss what virginity is:

Most women have a thin layer of skin covering the opening of the vagina called the "hymen". This membrane is very thin and easily torn. In fact, many virgins don't have intact hymen simply because of exercise! The technical idea of virginity is a woman that has an intact hymen, and has not had sexual intercourse.

Once the vagina is penetrated by a man's penis, the hymen is no longer intact (except in very rare instances where the hymen stretches but doesn't tear, but again this is RARE). So, technically you're not a virgin. The pain you felt was likely the tearing of this hymen, but may also have been caused by your not being sexually aroused enough to have been penetrated by him. When you're ready, your vagina will be wet and slippery making it easier for him to penetrate you without pain.

You might also want to know that it's entirely possible for a woman to get pregnant even though she hasn't technically had sex! As a man gets aroused, he emits a small amount of seminal fluid from the end of his penis. This fluid has plenty of sperm in it and if the penis even touches the opening of the vagina, she can get pregnant! Thus, even putting the penis 1/2 way in makes no difference - you can still get pregnant from this, so I hope you're using a condom every single time - no excuses, no exceptions!

If your virginity is so precious to you, I'm sorry to say it's gone. On the other hand, I'm happy to say it's gone! Now, (as long as you're responsible, use protection, and take care of yourself and your relationship - seeing this as a chance to grow in all ways), you get to move ahead with a more mature relationship where you can learn much about yourself. There is no other way to gain this knowledge and I hope it is better than you can even imagine.

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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