Hold Your Dates In Person

Hi Doc!

I've read through your site and have found some answers which have helped but I would greatly appreciate your opinion.

Well I met this girl 3 months ago on the internet. From the moment we met, we chatted for about 3 weeks every day for about 2 or more hours on average and quite a few times we chatted for about 5 hours. We’ve been very intimate (phone sex), and she says she has never opened up to anyone as quickly as she has to me.

She split from her ex 2 months ago, and they were together for 8 months, she says she does not want the disappointment again but yet says she wants me and has feelings for me. However, in the last month and a half she has been too busy to talk to me, return SMS messages, phone calls, etc. and I’ve basically given up trying with her. I would like your expert advice as to whether it’s worth continuing to try with her or just forget I ever met her.

Thanks a lot. You’re a genius - great articles and information. I look forward to hearing from you.

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Hello!

Thanks for the comments on the site. "Genius"? No - I'm just a guy that has had his head kicked in enough by NOT knowing what I was doing to actually DO something about it! Now, I write books to try to help others through this too.

I can tell you exactly what happened here: you tried to hold your dates over the phone rather than in person. In effect, you’re creating a fantasy relationship. As soon as she realized this, she decided that wasn't what she wanted.

I have people write to me all the time with this same situation. They spend hours on the phone and create incredibly intense emotional connections and then one partner pulls out entirely. It is usually the woman that pulls out, by the way. Here's why: by hiding behind a telephone, computer, SMS, etc., you're actually telling her that you're too much of a pussy to actually meet her in person. This gets very frustrating very fast.

Frankly, I think you may have lost this one. If you try to go back to her now, she's still going to remember you as the guy that hid from her - not the great guy that you are.

Remember: telephones are for SETTING dates, not holding them.

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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