Turning an Email Address Into a Phone Number

Hello Dennis!

I wanted to thank you again for:

A. Your constant attention in helping us men out (and indirectly women as well) in such a big way; and,
B. Writing such an in depth book as BEING A MAN IN A WOMAN'S WORLD.

First off, I was wondering if you knew of a nice, SOLID opening (first) email that I can send to a girl to RAISE her interest in me? Is there such a thing?

Today I met this girl at the beach, and I got her email address, but I feel like I screwed up, because I failed to get her phone number. I guess wasn't as bold as I think I should've been. Every time I do the "street approach" thing, (this is the 2nd time I tried it), I always come across as uncomfortable and nervous, and I'm not quick enough on my feet to think of something bold and funny on the spot.

The girl seemed very cool and down to earth, which surprised me, but I think it was obvious to her that I was still nervous. I guess this means I screwed it up, because when I tried, I could not get her phone number from her.

When I told her to write her home phone number down next to her email address, she said "no", (she didn't seem to want to tell me no, like she was trying to say it in the nicest way possible), to which I panicked. I replied, "Ok, we'll do it THIS way then, until you realize I'm not a psycho." I took her email address and left.

My first question: should I still bother to send her an email? I'd like to learn how to raise her interest level if that is a possibility. I feel like she's not interested due to the fact that she wouldn't give me her phone number. Does it make sense to try to be bold "after the fact"?

Also, do you think I can salvage this girls interest in me with an email message if I send one? If so, what should the message say?

In addition, when I began, I started to "stutter" and I kept running out of breath in mid-sentence, (I thought I'd defeated that nervousness with your "shopping mall technique"). I tried hard not to let it seem that it made me more uncomfortable, but I think I failed here too. Is it really that serious?

Thank you again, Dennis

Regards,
“J”

San Diego

Hello “J”!

Thank you for your kind comments about my book. When I began writing it, I realized that it wasn't just about selling books - it's about religion! What I, and Dating-Insider are trying to do is to build better men. We're trying to help men learn what makes women really tick - not all the "pop psychology" and "feel good" crap you read about from so many "experts", but real, solid, tested, and proven information. The result is to be better men for women, and in doing so, to create better, happier interactions and relationships between us. So, don't forget to pass along what YOU'VE learned to someone else!

Being nervous when you approach a woman is absolutely normal. Nobody wants to get shot down, so we spend a lot of time preparing ourselves for it when in fact, it rarely happens! This is often why we settle for things like pager numbers and email addresses rather than getting home phone numbers. Many guys are grateful to get even that!

In situations like this, here's what I do: I call her bluff. If she gives me a business card with her business number and email address on it, I'll say, "Ok, fine - now, write your home number down on the back for me", then hand it back to her. Notice that I don't ask her, "Gee...c..c..can I have your home number?? Pretty-please???" I tell her what I want her to do.

Next, if she tries to give me any challenge to it, I say, "No thank you. [What? - a guy actually turning DOWN a number???] I'm only interested in people that are serious", then I hand her back the card! Not only does this throw women way off balance, (they just don't expect it), but it also sets the tone of any future meetings! I'm absolutely not beyond walking if I don't get what I want! The added benefit of this is it tells her that I'm not willing to play games with her - I'm above that, and she's going to have to play my game if she wants to play at all.

If she won't give me her home number (I don't beg, and I don't give her a second chance!), I say, "Ok then, it was nice to meet you", and before she can stutter out a single word, I turn and walk away. You'd be surprised how many of them will chase you down and shove their home numbers into your hand! The trick is that you have to be willing to walk. Never pin every hope on one single woman - there's always another right around the corner.

Ok, so you've got her email address instead of a home phone, what do you do now?

In a sense, you've already told her that you're playing her game - not the other way around - by taking it. Should you just throw it away? No, but you're going to have to handle this somewhat differently.

First, give her a few weeks before you try to contact her. Don't rush this one - it's going to take away her sense of urgency if you do. When you contact her, try something like this:

"Hello!

I promised to write you when we met a few weeks ago at [insert location], but have been very busy.

Take care...

[Your name]"

That's it! Keep it very short and to the point - almost businesslike. Your goal is to simply see if she responds. If she does, you have something to work with. If not, NEXT!!!

Also, don't try to use the email to get her to respond. For example, don’t goad her with some sort of challenge. Instead, keep it very short, non-emotional and see what happens. If she does write back, you can then send her another short note and see if you can get a banter going, slowly working back control, and redirecting toward the first date.

Let me know how things work out.

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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