The Case Of Brotherly Love

Hello, I have a problem and I hope that you could help me.

My current girlfriend used to be my older brother’s girlfriend, and after they broke up she begun to chase after me, but before that she says that she already had feelings for me, and that is one of the reasons why she broke up with my brother.

The problem is that no one in my family knows about it, and some times both she and I have guilty consciences. Now I’m so confused that I’ve lost sense of what is right or wrong.

Should I still be in this relationship or not is it completely immoral?

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Hello!

Dating someone that a family member has dated is much like dating someone that a friend has dated. You need to consider the value of the relationship with your brother and your family if you want to continue dating her.

I have dated women that other friends and family members dated before me, but I've always gone to that person and said, "I'm interested in your ex. However, your [friendship/relation] to me is much more important than she is, and I'll only date her if you're comfortable with it, and agree that we can deal with any problems it brings."

If that person is comfortable with it, I proceed. If not, I back off of the woman completely because there are just too many other women out there!

You're in something of a different situation here because you are already dating her! That's poor form old buddy, but everything is not lost. Go to your brother and tell him that you would be interested in dating his ex, (not as though you are already dating her - as though you'd like to start), and see what he says. If he tells you he wouldn't appreciate it, back off. Your relationship with him is going to be by far more important throughout the rest of your life.

However, if he tells you he's ok with it, and he's willing to work through any problems, (such as bringing her to birthday parties, etc.), then you can continue to see her. However, one more word of caution here: "ease" your family into seeing you and she together. Don't just thrust her on them! In fact, you should casually mention that you and her are going out a number of times before they actually see you with her. Let them get used to the idea.

The reason behind this is that your family can cause all sorts of problems for you and this women if you don't respect the fact that they might be a little squeamish about it. In fact, if your folks ask you to not bring her around, give them a little more time. Of course, eventually they're going to have to get used to the idea one way or another, so this has to be a temporary thing.

Best regards...

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