Your Cheatin' Heart

Doc:

I have cheated on my fiancé and now of course she is no longer my fiancé. I lied to her about it and now I am trying to prove to her that my heart is genuine for her and her only. I know I will never be able to make up for what I have done but is there any way that I can win her heart back?

What happened was I didn’t end a relationship with my ex-girlfriend for about 2-3 months after we got together because I was confused. I realized later that I was making a big mistake and ended it and lied for a long time about it because I didn’t want to face the truth about it myself. I was and still am extremely ashamed.

We have broken up and are both hurting. I know her heart is genuine and I’m trying my best to win her back but nothing I say is working. She says she still loves me and forgives me but needs space to figure things out. I am so scared of loosing her forever I don’t know what to do or say to make her look at me like she used to. I just want one more chance at this. I’m very desperate for her love and for us to be together. How can I convince her that she can trust me now? There has to be a way.

Please help me if you can. Thank you.

Hello!

First of all, you need to get over the guilt and shame right now. These aren't going to help you. They are only a sign that you somehow believe you should pay some price for all of this.

The interesting thing is that women do this all the time! They have a boyfriend before they start dating someone else. Things get going really well with the new person before they break things off with the boyfriend and move on. Then, they claim that they were just "confused" (sound familiar?) and expect you to forgive them for it!

You have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about here. I don't care what your girlfriend is trying to make you feel. The fact is that you were with someone else and then you met her. Until she proved herself, you weren't ready to break things off with the ex. That's perfectly acceptable - even if you told her something different! Trust me on this one; she'd have done the exact same thing to you if the tables were reversed.

So, here's how you handle this: go to her and say, "Look, this is crazy. If you don't care enough about me to work through this then so be it. It's time for me to move on. However, if you do care, then you're going to have to get over this so that we can work it out."

Now, keep in mind that her next move is to ask you for more time. The point of this isn't that she's not ready to work it out - it's that she wants you to continue paying for her hurt. Further, she figures that if you have to pay enough, you won't ever do it again, and she'll be in control. The problem with this is that you'll also look like a pussy by doing this (you do now - trust me), and she'll lose respect for you.

So, when you talk to her, say, "No, this is going on too long. You need to make a decision. If you don't know how you feel by now, I'm sorry to say that I can't wait around for you." Then, walk right out the door. She'll be calling you in a day or so asking for your forgiveness. That's how the game is played.

Best regards...

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