Being Shy Is Only An Excuse

Hello Doc,

I have always been told I have a terrific sense of humor and could make a stone laugh. But I guess my shyness hindered me in developing the necessary social skills to meet women.

But in not meaning to be difficult, science has proven that some people are born shy and have to deal with it throughout their lives. I remember reading an article not that long ago on the subject in Psychology Today. Mostly they are children that are blue-eyed, fair complexion and also blondish color hair. This is me.

I have improved my social skills somewhat but I was painfully shy through high school. I perceived peer interaction as painful. Plus, being bullied in grade school did not help my situation.

To quote:

"The No. 1 problem area for the shy is starting a relationship. Fifty-eight percent told us they have problems with introductions; they go to a party but nothing happens. Forty percent said their problem was social; they had trouble developing friendships."

What do you think?

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Hello!

You're not going to get off that easy with me!

I'm blue-eye, fair complexion and blonde too, yet I have no problem with being shy. These people (just like all others) may be shy in some situations, but no - science has proven no such thing! Further, this is an impromptu survey, not a scientific study.

You'd be surprised at how many famous men were "shy" too - Winston Churchill for one comes to mind, but there are thousands of other examples. Buying into the idea that you're shy is simply an excuse. You're using that excuse to explain why you're not having better luck with women, when in fact; it's based solely on your unwillingness to get educated and to take small risks.

Consider also, that magazines like Psychology Today are a pure representation of our feminized world - one where nobody is responsible for their own actions and everyone is a victim. I operate by (and teach) a different ideal: there are no "victims", only volunteers!

Believe me, when people first enter the dating world, every one of them are "shy". That's because we are normally wired to not want to get shot down and suffer the pain of embarrassment. This doesn't happen anywhere near as often as "shy" people would like to believe, and in fact, everyone that wants to can learn to be successful with women, and guess what? As soon as you start experiencing that success, the shyness magically goes away!

Many guys spend years - and even decades before they learn this simple fact. I have guys that write to me constantly in their 40's, 50's and even 60's that have been "shy" all their lives only to finally discover this fact and turn their own lives around. You can do this too if you decide you want to, but don't try to pull that excuse on me.

Others may tolerate it and even pat you on the back saying, "Oh, you poor, shy thing." Not me. My job is to kick you in the ass and tell you to get moving! After all, what are friends for?

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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