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Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
When to
Pop The (Other) Question
Dear Dr. Dennis:
I have been out
on 6 dates with this great man and have known him for 2 months.
I was now wondering when it is an appropriate time to bring
up the dreaded question:
"Are you seeing
anyone else?"
I don't believe
he is, and he always initiates seeing me but I would like to
know but I don't want to freak him out and have him bail on
me.
Thank you
---------------------------------------------
Hello!
Frankly, I think
the real question is HOW to ask this rather than when, but we'll
get to that in a minute.
The time to ask
this is when you're ready to move things to another level. Your
reason for asking is probably because you want to have a sole
relationship with him and (hopefully) you're not seeing anyone
else now yourself. If that isn't the case, I'd avoid asking
this question! If you're ready to move forward, the next date
is fine.
Now, the question
about how to ask is critical. If you simply come out and ask
it (stated as you did below), I think you're going to blow him
right out of the water. It's far better to work WITH HIM in
deciding what direction you both want to take the relationship.
For instance, if you were to say:
"You know,
I've really enjoyed our time together over the past two months,
and we really seem to be a compatible couple. I feel so strongly
that I've decided not to see anyone else right now. How do you
feel about that?"
Which then leads
to:
"What kind
of relationship are you looking for?"
And:
"How will
you know when you've found what you're looking for?"
These are all valid
questions that will help position the relationship for you and
him at the same time. Further, you're not going to put him in
a position to tell you something simply because he thinks you
want to hear it.
Best regards...
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Have a love, relationship,
sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write
to me at dwneder@beingman.com
for answers. For more information about my books, "Being
a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
products visit: www.beingaman.com.
Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
Copyright (c) 2004-2011, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
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