Self Esteem
Are You a Very Shy Person?
By Jeff Cohen
Sep 14, 2007, 14:03

First of all, what is this trait called shyness? Shyness is defined as a feeling of discomfort when a person is placed in a social situation where he or she has to relate with other people.

Shyness usually creeps in when you encounter unfamiliar circumstances. Extremely shy people find that their shyness is a roadblock to interacting normally with others even in familiar conditions. A shy person does not like to feel the discomfort he associates with the object or person he encounters so he will probably avoid both. This only feeds his feelings of shyness.

Shyness does not always remain a character trait of shy people forever. Some people are able to outgrow their feelings of shyness through exposure to social situations. However, for some people, shyness might remain a facet of their personality throughout their lifetime.

There is no one kind of shyness. Some people might find themselves socially adept with certain kinds of people but display shyness towards others. Shyness might actually be a symptom of a degree of introversion displayed by the individual.

Shyness Research Institute director Bernardo J. Carducci noted that introverts opt not to engage in social situations since a) they get no benefit from these, or b) they sense that there is too much sensory input for them to handle.

A shy person often believes that his shyness is a negative aspect of his personality. At the same time, other people are not comfortable dealing with shy people, particularly when a culture they operate in places a premium on individuality and leadership. The shy person might then perceive such aversion to be directed at himself, instead of discomfort brought about by his shyness. At any rate, either situation only helps to make a shy person even more leery of associating with people and decreases his self-confidence.

How do you overcome shyness? There is no hard and fast rule since the trait of shyness is displayed by each person in varying degrees. One suggestion is that you be placed in a social situation where you can interact freely with another person or other people. It might help if you are accompanied by someone you trust, so that conversation does not falter when you get a 'shyness attack.'

It may also help if a mental health care professional were to talk to you to find out just what causes your shyness. For example, a teenage boy might be shy around girls because he is afraid he might be rejected. He might actually want to meet girls but his fear gets in the way. In such a case, he might find it helpful to go on a “friendly date”, where his date is not the object of his affection but just a casual acquaintance.

Shyness can often be overcome when you develop the right social skills. If not, counseling as a form of therapy might help to draw you out from your shell.

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