Parenting & Family
Normal Behavior Problems In Children
By J. Bailey Molineux, Ph.D.
Mar 10, 2003, 13:23

My six year old daughter has had a few nightmares recently. Does this mean that she is emotionally disturbed?

I caught my eight year old son stealing the other day, and then he tried to lie his way out of it. Will he grow up to be dishonest or a criminal?

These are genuine fears expressed by parents about some problem behaviors in their children. But are these behaviors normal? Are these parents' fears justified or realistic?

The answer, of course, depends upon many factors.

One thing is for certain, however: Many children, at one time or another during their growing-up years, will display some behavioral and emotional problems. More importantly, most children will outgrow these problems.

For example, one study of 522 adolescents, age 13-16, in a large mid-western city, found that 83% of them had committed a chargeable offense although only 15% had been caught.

Now I'm certainly not advocating or condoning this type of antisocial behavior but I would imagine that if we parents were honest with ourselves, many of us would have to admit that as youngsters we were no exceptions to this research finding. A certain amount of acting-out, rebellious behavior appears to be characteristic of most young people.

Here is a partial list of behavior problems that researchers have found to occur in normal children: nightmares, nailbiting, lying, oversensitivity, mood swings, temper tantrums, shyness, excessive demands for attention, selfishness in sharing, cheating, food finickiness, overactivity, stealing, specific fears or worries, negativism, jealousy, bed wetting, sibling rivalry, and speech disfluencies.

In other words, the existence of these problem behaviors does not necessarily indicate that your child is emotionally disturbed and in need of immediate professional attention.

Often a child's problems are a reflection of problems occurring within the family. Any major stressor which affects the parents - an unexpected death, unemployment, a serious accident, a chronic illness - affects the children also. Usually the parents are understandably focused on their own problems and may not be fully available to their offspring.

Research has shown that the single most important factor in the development of psychological problems in children is chronic, intense conflict between their parents. If you are having serious marital problems, chances are your children are developing emotional problems also.

In deciding whether or not your child's behavior is serious enough to warrant professional intervention, consider these questions: Does the behavior occur quite frequently? Is it intense? Has it been occurring for a long time? Are there serious problems in your family or marriage?

If you answered Yes to most of these questions, for the mental health of your child, as well as your own peace of mind, I would strongly recommend that you seek professional advice. A mental health professional will either assure you that your child's behavior is normal or recommend some type of therapeutic intervention.

If therapy is recommended, be assured that early intervention greatly increases the chances for a successful resolution or reduction of the problem.

# # # # #