Have Americans become obsessed with winning? Newspapers report inside trading, corruption in city government, and other political scandals. The professional athlete no longer exemplifies a role model for children. Steroids, gambling, and purple hair make it difficult to hold athletes in high regard.

Even the "weekend warrior" presses hard to find ways to win. "Ringers" brought in to play an important game; manipulative strategies to "stack" a team; and entering a class "A" team in a class "C" tournament are just a few examples of "creative" ways to increase the likelihood of victory. Unfortunately, even children suffer from the immature behaviors modeled by parents. They become poor sports and develop the "do anything to win" attitude.

This mind set has created arguments among friends, produced fighting within families and ended many relationships. Fierce competition and the need to win creates tremendous pressure and stress. Vince Lombardi's famous comment - "Winning isn't everything; it's the only thing" - is no longer just a motivational expression, but is now woven into the fabric of our culture. Contests are created (win/lose) with jobs, relationships, educating children and weekend activities. Competition is so deeply ingrained, it is accepted as "the way life is." With winners and losers, however, self esteem is at stake.

To clarify, lets look at a typical game. Its outcome produces a winner or a loser. Winning produces a happy feeling and sense of accomplishment. This enhances self esteem. Conversely, losing produces unhappiness, a sense of failure and self doubt. If competitive games yield a 50% chance of winning, therefore, it is structured to produce more losers than winners. Losing a game does not necessarily damage one self esteem. It is difficult for me to understand, however, how losing can enhance it.

Doesn't everyone want a positive self esteem? Both the professional athlete and the weekend warrior each have the desire to be a winner. Herein lies the problem. Many believe winning the game insures them of having a positive self esteem. These people will do anything to win. They are trapped in a negative world and are trying desperately to pull out. Like the donkey tied to a tree, however, the harder they pull, the tighter the noose becomes around their neck. They become obsessed with winning, blame others for losing and the game becomes an exercise in self hate.

For many, the need to win has become an integral part of self esteem. They don't enjoy the game but rather it becomes a time to dominate, make a good impression, and show superiority. They are generally unhappy and engage in games to compensate for weaknesses in their ego.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not maligning athletes or competitive sports. However, in reference to people who fit the above characteristics, the need to compete and win is very different from the need to play, to improve, and have fun. Such gotta-be-winners don't experience the joy and excitement of games. For them, it is a matter of pride, principle, and power.

Sadly, we are caught up in our hyper-competitive society and have lost the true value of the simple enjoyment of games. People have become blinded from the truth that the enjoyment lies in the action and the play, not the exploitation of others to raise a weak self esteem. Maybe the time has come to re -evaluate our perception and approach to the games we play. Let's allow ourselves the freedom to fully enjoy the game and have fun. And the next time you are confronted by a raging lunatic who has to win --- let him win. Remember, by not allowing yourself to be pulled into his negative world, you are the true winner.

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