SolveYourProblem Article Series: Parenting & Family
Here's Some Friendly Parenting Advice


How To Step Back And Include Dads
by Debbie Mandel

One of the most common high-stress-on-the-Richter-scale complaints I hear from women: “I don’t have any time for myself. My husband says that the kids are my number one priority. And if there is no time for me, well that’s how it is and I have to make the best of it. When I ask him for help, he lets me know loud and clear that he works hard all week and needs to detoxify on the weekend as he is the primary breadwinner. I guess I am stuck.” The major part of this problem is not being expressed and is festering behind the scenes.

Resentment is building up to a crescendo and a whole lot of nagging is going on. Suppressed anger creates fatigue, depression, physical aches and pains and needless to say, passion for the husband flies out the window. When a person feels stuck, that is tantamount to a declaration of helplessness - playing the victim. When a person is so busy that she has no time for herself that indicates a lack of empowerment and self-esteem. Ladies, take back your power. But remember, when you take back your power, ironically, you give up control of the children!

Here are some tips to motivate dad to become a helpmate:
  • Schedule your time away from the household frenzy, your down time, on a visible and huge calendar for all to see, preferably on or near the refrigerator door. Mark your time and space. Do not ask for permission. Simply say, “Here are the children.”
  • Break the habit of nagging. Every man hates it and will balk at the reigns. Start to see your life as a sit-com. Defuse volatile situations and reinterpret them with humor. If a friend were watching your life on reality TV, your friend would be laughing.
  • If your husband insists that you stay home, simply say, No, and don’t back down. When you say no, you say yes to yourself! No establishes a positive boundary. Live your true life and don’t keep suppressing how you feel as it will make you feel sick and tired. Don’t always act the way you think you should, but rather, how you feel you should.
  • Make sure that you agree in your heart of hearts, deep within yourself, no matter how distasteful, or how you cringe, that dad will do things with the kids his way! Don’t leave copious and daunting instructions. Let him be free to be.
  • When you return from your tryst with yourself, compliment and give him more compliments. Men are starved for approval. So, give him plenty of it. Tell him how wonderful the kids look and what an amazing job he did: How the children will always treasure this time with him.
  • Lower your expectations. Don’t expect it’s a wonderful life immediately. Practice makes better. Keep affirming your husband and children verbally and mentally. If you don’t, you will create the self-fulfilling prophecy that you dread.
  • Finally, because you had a chance to relax, meet with friends, go to the gym, feel like a person, etc. show your husband how it benefits him to have a happy, de-stressed, romantic spouse. Love gives you a better victory than war.

Get motivated to change your home environment. The most important fact: Don’t expect to change dad. Anyone who ever got married and expected to change a spouse, what a laugh! However, if you assume responsibility and change your own dynamics, everything else will change around you. Change the past story of your life to create the present story. Become the heroine who lives happily ever after.

# # # # #

Posted: Feb 9, 2004
About The Author / Credits:
Debbie Eisenstadt Mandel, MA is the author of Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul, a stress-reduction specialist, motivational speaker, a personal trainer and mind/body lecturer at Southampton College. She is the host of the weekly Turn On Your Inner Light Show on WLIE 540AM in New York City , produces a weekly wellness newsletter, and has been featured on radio/ TV and print media.
Web Site: http://www.turnonyourinnerlight.com/
email Address:

# # # # #

> Home > Parenting & Family Articles : Main Page

   

Related Channels:

 

300 Romantic, Creative & Inexpensive
Date Ideas
For Singles Or Married Couples.
Stop Starving For New Ways To Spend Time Together. It's A Goldmine Of Ideas & A Great Guide. Definitely Recommended.

How To Improve Your Foreplay, Lovemaking, Explosiveness & Passion.
In 5 Minutes You Can Have Any Of
These 100 Exciting Sex Games
Firing Up Your Relationship.

How To Save Your Marriage Today
Put An End To The Stress & Anxiety Of
Not Knowing What To Do To Save Your Troubled Marriage. Learn The 6 Most
Common Reasons for Divorce &
How To Stop Them Happening to You.

 

50 Secrets To A Blissful Relationship
Learn How To Reconnect With Your Lover
No Matter How Stubborn or Distant They Are
& No Matter How Hopeless Or Difficult
Your Situation Seems.

How To Really Talk Dirty In Bed
Add Fire & Passion To Your Relationship.
In The Next 5 Minutes You Could Be
Driving Your Man Wild With Desire.
Please Ladies, Read This.

How To Deal With A Cheating Spouse
Learn How To Save Your Marriage
and Your Sanity Before It's Too Late.

How To Fix Your Sexless Marriage
Learn 5 Facts You Must Understand
If You Are Ever Going To Enjoy
The Kind of Intimacy You Deserve.

     
 
Career / Jobs: How To Set Successful Career Goals (With Examples) Sep 23
Career / Self-Esteem: How To Keep Your Self-Esteem Up After Losing Your Job  Oct 1
Emotions: Top 7 Ways To Control Your Anger and Temper Sep 6
Empowerment: Top 9 Ways To Pick Yourself Up After You Fail Oct 30
Healthy Living / Dieting: 12 Super Foods That Benefit Your Body and Mind Nov 2
Law Of Attraction: What Is The Law Of Attraction? Oct 30
Meditation: Can Meditation Really Boost My Self Confidence? Nov 10
Mind/Body/Spirit: Can Meditation Improve My Health? Oct 1
Money Stress: Top 5 Ways To Survive This Holiday Shopping Season Nov 19
Money Stress: Top 4 Holiday Money Saving Tips Nov 10
Money Stress: How To Spend Money This Holiday Season w/o Going Into Debt Nov 2
Self Improvement: How To Let Bygones Be Bygones and Let Go Of The Past Nov 2
Self Improvement: How To Live in the Moment - Try These 5 Steps Oct 30
Stress / Anxiety: 9 Ways To Enjoy A Stress Free Holiday Season Nov 19
Time Management: 6 Ways To Get Thru Your To-Do List Faster & Easier Nov 10
Weight Loss / Dieting: 8 Fun Healthy Holiday Dieting Tips Nov 19
Weight Loss / Dieting: How To Muster All Of Your Willpower and Lose Weight Oct 5
 

SolveYourProblem
"Best Of" Series

The Most Popular
& Most Effective
How-To's Delivered
Directly To You

Learn The Secrets
To Feeling Happy,
Confident, Empowered
& On Top Of The World!


Fast, Fun & Free.
Get Instant Results!

Are You Happy
As a Clam
OR
Depressed As Dirt?

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Are You
Relaxed As Rain
OR
Crippled With
Anxiety?

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

How Well Do
You Cope Under
A Steaming
Pile Of Stress?

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Spectacular
Self Esteem
OR
Self Love
In The Toilet?

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Are You
Self Empowered
OR
Complete Coward?

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Are You a Thrill
Seeking Risk-Taker
OR
a Total Scaredy Cat?

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

How Financially
Screwed Am I?

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

[ View All Quizzes ]

    

personal growth program

'Hot 10' Channels
For The Past 7 Days:

Resume Writing
(3,426 views)
Sleep Remedies
(2,546 views)

Stop Hair Loss
(2,511 views)
Health Insurance
(2,394 views)
Setting Goals
(2,226 views)
Exercise/Workouts
(2,122 views)
Back Pain Relief
(2,107 views)
Mental Illness
(1,539 views)

Pregnancy
(1,451 views)

Stress Relief
(1,360 views)

Top How-To's
For The Past 7 Days:

HMO vs. PPO
(1,579 views)

Setting Career Goals
(859 views)

Are You Experiencing a
Nervous Breakdown?

(881 views)

Writing Your Resume
(853 views)

How To Build
Upper Body Strength

(681 views)

Exercises For
Back Pain : Yoga

(424 views)

Pregnancy
Sleeping Tips

(406 views)

Basic Cover Letter
Template Example

(390 views)

Try An Oatmeal
Remedy For
Itchy Skin

(382 views)

Lower My Cholesterol:
Herbal Homeopathic
Remedies

(333 views)

Diet, Nutrition &
Vitamins For Hair Loss

(332 views)

Natural Hair
Loss Remedies

(319 views)

How To Calm Down:
Panic and Anxiety

(305 views)

Natural Sleep Aids
& Remedies

(294 views)

7 Easy Steps
To Increase Your
Concentration Power

(270 views)

Top 8 Tips
To Improve
Your Personality

(270 views)

The 30 Year Old
Sexual Peak?

(259 views)

    
Home | Self Improvement | Small / Home Business | Home Improvement | Advertising | Technology | US Elections & Politics
Relationships / Dating | Autos | Gardening | Pets / Animals | Shopping / Hobbies | Sports | Travel | Merchant Accounts
Free Stuff & Freebies | Directory / All Channels | RSS / XML Feed | Contact | Privacy Policy | Site Map

SolveYourProblem.com Downloadable "How-To" Guides

AddThis Social Bookmark Button      AddThis Feed Button

© Launch 3, LLC All Rights Reserved