So you are all grown up. You have responsibilities, duties, and things to get checked off your to-do list. You are sooo busy and important, but truth be told, when you have a chance to really feel, you sense that something vital is missing from your life. Of course, your first thought is that you already have found your life mate, so it couldn t be love. Your next thought is that you have quite a nice, albeit abnormal family life. You ve got money in the bank, and you even go to the gym to work out (most weeks)--- what could possibly be missing?
My friend, it is friendship. Attracting and nurturing solid friendships is fundamental to our overall happiness and well-being. The dictionary definition of friend is a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. Friends are people we go to when everyone else turns their back, when we feel lost, and especially when we need to jump for joy! Good friends are food for the soul. A real friendship raises us to a higher level of being.
Henry David Thoreau once said, The language of friendship is not words but meaning. I remember well when friendship was high on my list of priorities. It was back in junior high and high school, where my friends were everything! Whenever me and may gal pals would get together, of course there was a lot of babbling and giggling (we were teen age girls); but there was also the silent looks, smiles, and inside jokes---this is where the true meaning of friendship was found. We often didn t have to say a word---we just knew what the other was thinking. Perhaps you have girlfriends in your life now where there is this unspoken knowingness. If so, good for you!
Sadly, that powerful connection becomes lost to the trials and tribulations of being an adult. We put to many other things before intimacy. This is true in friendships and also in romantic relationships. When we stop making the relationship important, it naturally loses its luster and magic. However, no matter how old we are, we never, ever, out-grow our need to form close, loving, and supportive relationships.
The whole idea of the importance of friendship got me thinking. I wanted to find out more, wanted to find the research to support it. So I did a search on the Internet for friendship, and would you believe that out of the millions of web sites out there----there were barely a handful dedicated to the art of friendship? It s true, you could find gazillions of sites to find your soul mate or to get out of debt or to become rich through internet marketing. In fact, when I did the search, most of the sites were related to finding love. It seems like finding love is more valued that a long-lasting friend. I did not find one site that stood out worth mentioning here! (If someone knows of one, please email me).
Well now, let s just analyze this shall we---I mean we re all friends here, right?
I think we are being misled! I think a lifetime friend is exponentially more valuable than a temporary lover or get rich quick scheme. Friendship in its truest essence can touch our souls in a way that is pure and uncomplicated. The love and commitment of a true friend can get us through life s up and downs, feeling better and stronger about who we are and our ability to cope with life. The best friendships show us our true selves, while at the same time, challenge us to be even more of who we are. They see our good, the not-so-good, and stick around to accept and understand us.
When we befriend someone, our perspective on our problems shift. We re not alone anymore! Now, we have someone on our side, someone who wants us to succeed and be happy. One study I found that speaks to women s ability to deal with stress is Dr Shelley Taylor of the University of California, who has found that Befriending is the primary gender difference in adult human behavioral responses to stress. This method can improve immune functioning, mood, and a host of other positive pay-offs. It pays to have friends and a partner to talk with during periods of stress. This goes for men as well. We all need support!
Sometimes, we happen across friends, and other times, we need to make friendship-making a goal. If you would like to cultivate a new friend, take out a piece of paper and write down the kind of person you would like to have in your life. You may list things like having common interests, trust/honesty, someone forthright and bold, spiritual, with children---anything you desire. When you look at your list, you may realize that many of the things you want are the very same things you have to offer. If so, consider expanding it to include ideas and activities that you are not familiar with. One great thing about a friend is that they can expand our landscape and take us to new places without ever having to drive there.
Friends are good for you. They make you laugh, give you hope and encouragement, and lighten the load of your life. Friendship is free for the creating. All you have to do to get a friend is to be a friend, and that special bond of friendship, makes for a wonderful life.
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