We are biologically and psychologically wired to aggressively pursue romantic interests when we are in our late teens and early twenties. In college those natural urges are fueled by being surrounded by a population of like-programmed and, on average quite attractive individuals. Romantic relationships, then, were a natural component of most of our college experiences. Some of the relationships were better than others, but ordinarily each of us can name one special person with whom we were involved.

Maybe you are already married to or are still seeing that special person. That’s great and I congratulate you. These relationships seem like a natural progression and one might think that they would make the transition from college to the outside world a smooth one. However, some couples discover that their relationship was built solely on their common college friends and experiences. Futures aren’t often sustained by shared pasts alone.

Even when couples have a great deal more in common, their emotional reserves may be running on empty as they both struggle to make adjustments to post-college life. It’s hard for two people to grow and learn about life at the same rate and at the same level of understanding. Career separation and factors of geography can also create stress. Obviously, many relationships do survive this period of life but please be assured that more than love was involved.

If you had a relationship that ended right before you got out of school, there were probably some very good reasons behind the breakup. This is particularly true if neither of you decided to go your separate ways because you already had an alternative love interest lined up. Presumably, you’d reached a point where one, if not both of you, knew that the relationship wasn’t going where it should.

Sometimes spending time apart turns out to be more frustrating than liberating. The temptation will be great to renew contact with that person in order to rekindle any old smoldering spark that might remain. This quest likely originates because other areas of one’s life, including but not limited to one’s love life, isn’t going as well as one would like. If a couple thought the timing was off before, what makes them think that self doubts and every thing else that goes along with post college adjustment will make things smoother.

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