Friday morning began as usual for me, enjoying breakfast and reading the newspaper. As I scanned the headlines and lead stories, my eyes began to swell with tears: "Sixteen Year Old Found Floating In River," "Mother Drops Infant From 14th Floor," and "Father Convicted In Poisoning Son." These and other tragic stories have captured our attention the past few months. It left me shaking my head, asking, "What is this world coming to?"
It seems like every other day we are reading or hearing about atrocities perpetrated upon our children. In struggling to understand why violence of this type has become common, I realized that I did not have an answer. Certainly child abuse and family violence are not new to our society. Perhaps the amount of exposure via TV, radio, and newspapers makes it appear so widespread. It is also possible that incidents of child abuse are increasing and/or the public is developing greater awareness.
As a practicing psychologist for over 20 years, I have worked with many violent families. The answers to "why" children suffer and are victimized still escapes me. I could offer an array of psychological theories, but this is not the time or place. Perhaps the answers are more obvious and simple than we think.
Our society is conditioned to be negative! Negativity is accentuated almost everywhere. It permeates families, children, schools, businesses, and media. As people become more negative, unhappy, and angry, they often unleash pent-up aggression towards others. Unfortunately, children are easy targets.
Parents yell and tell children "no," "don't," "you can't," "you shouldn't," etc., ten times more often than finding or focusing on the "right" things ("Nice job"; "I'm proud of you"; etc.). Many parents also still believe that physical punishment is the only way to discipline. Children are slapped, kicked, and punched as ways to teach responsibility! When, in actuality, the parents are modeling violent behavior to their children at such times.
How often does a teacher praise a class for working quietly? Rather, a teacher waits in anticipation for a child to act up. The child is than bombarded with "spit out your gum," "tuck in your shirt," "stop talking" . . . By the end of the school day, the child has experienced a barrage of negative feedback.
The media is no different in the way they contribute to the negative process. It has become a chore to watch the news. Who can enjoy a half hour full of killings, robberies, and other violent crimes? For a short break from reality, we turn on our favorite TV programs - "Cops," "The Simpsons," and "Beavis & Butthead." Think about the messages these programs convey - violence, sarcasm, and vulgarity.
The typical Saturday evening is spent watching Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwartznager, and Steven Segal, massacre, mutilate and torture others. The movies are rated PG so the entire family can view fun and wholesome entertainment! I find it interesting that we are approaching double digit numbers in the sequels of "Friday the 13th" and "Halloween." How many sequels are there of "ET" or "Mary Poppins?"
We are indeed conditioned to be negative. The accepted norm is to say negative things to and about people. In fact, when nice things are expressed they're often mistrusted or interpreted as having an ulterior motive.
These messages have been powerful and have taken their toll upon our culture. We can continue to blame parents, teachers, media, government, etc., without accepting responsibility ourselves. Maybe the time has come, however, to examine ourselves a little closer. Reversing this process can occur by just becoming more aware and sensitive to other people. I challenge every reader not to be critical to another person for 24 hours. If you lapse, you need to reset for another 24 hours (and let me know how you do). By making a commitment to say nice things to others we can make an important difference.
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